We see you, we hear you, we know you have a big heart and want to use that which you have learned to help others. We also know that you cannot help someone who will not help themselves.
But you love them so, or you feel sorry for them, or you are trying to cure the wounded inner child you see in this adult in front of you. If you can just get through to them, say the right thing to catch their attention so you can HELP them!
You see, your love for people keep you from seeing them healed. This keeps you in the helping mode, giving up of thyself to bring another person up. This is all so admirable and foolish at the same time, for they cannot hear you, for they are focusing on their issues as someone else’s doing. And how can you fix something that is out of your control?
If you truly want to help someone, then see them as healed and Walk Away. Sounds so cold, we know but this is their only chance. Because we cannot convince someone to change when they are not in a place of change. Sometimes the others have to bring their life to such pain before they are willing to try something new. So when you are trying to take away another’s pain, you are just accepting their pain as your own. Think about how frustrating it is when they don’t listen to you, when they keep doing that which hurts themselves even though you were so clear of the solution.
If you see them as healed, if you are confident they will eventually see the light, then you give them a chance to see themselves the same way. When you focus on their pain and problems, all they see is the same.
Our greatest advice to you dear one is to teach by example, and be open to seeing your loved one as someone who has to follow their own timing, someone who may need to work through some issues before they figure this one out, but someone who does find happiness.
Relationships are funny in a way that we think we are in them, when sometimes we are not. We think this person by our side will fulfill our needs, and we move forward believing we are taken care of, when we are really just accepting that which is. We want more and accept less, for we think this is all we deserve from another. We try harder to fill in the voids, so that it is not as painful that we are not getting what we want.
We want you to stop and feel your situation, ask yourself if this partner is giving you that which you desire, for in most cases it is not. This is not a bad thing, for if you were not receiving all that you wanted, you would move on. In other words, you must be receiving enough of that which is desired to stay where you are. In some cases, it is from the fear of being alone, in others it may be the fear of not succeeding financially… there are so many reasons why we stay where we are not always happy.
We ask you dear one, to focus not on that which brings you lack or sadness in your relationship and to focus on that which you enjoy or that which makes you feel accepted. For even if it is not much, it is enough to keep you together. And when you focus on that which is good, it attracts more of the same. When you can bring yourself to feel good about where you are (even when the bad outweighs the good), then it will be clear what feels good and if it is enough.
You see, we are wired to be happy, that is why it feels so bad to be sad. We are here to experience happiness and so many forget this and accept what is, in order to do that which is expected of them or because they do not know what else to do. FOCUS, dear ones on the good in your life (for it is always there), and you will start to remember what you are here for, and then desire more of that. It will become clear that there is nothing which is worth you giving up your happiness, and it will bring you to find a way to make it work, or to move on.
They say the heart wants what the heart wants…. Why is that? Why would the heart want that which it cannot have? We think that we deserve better, we think that we deserve more, we think that we deserve attention but what is it that we accept for ourselves?
What we accept is exactly what we deserve, for it is our choice to have none or to have it all. We just get confused because we seem to only accept that which is readily available. We forget the power of acceptance we all have, the power of creating what is wanted.
Step back dear one, and look at what you have accepted into your life and choose all that pleases you. Release all that causes discomfort for that is what was accepted by default.
Sometimes we have been taught to live and/or accept rules to be the truth. And sometimes in doing so, we will deny our heart what is truly wanted. We will pray to find the one who we can love for a lifetime, but when we meet the one we will deny them, for they do not follow the rules we have been taught to follow.
We know this of many of you and we ask, how do we answer your prayers when it is you who is denying the one you ask for? We think we want our loved ones to be a certain way… perfect. But there is no such person for if there was, we would not love them. This is hard to understand, but it is the growing in love that makes us fall deep in love.
We find attraction in others, yes this is true, and this is where we start. The attraction is usually misleading for our wanting of this person will make us see only what we want to see. This is why so many relationships start off well and eventually end. So you meet someone you like who likes you… the beginning, and as time goes by you start to notice what is not wanted… the middle, that is followed by accepting the person as he/she is or not accepting… the possible ending.
We say, if you want to find the one who you will spend much time with, it is important to allow what is not perfect and concentrate on what you find attractive, what gives you much feeling in the heart. If you can allow yourself to do so, then you will allow the one you want to stay in your life. Dear one, do not forget what you fell in love for in the first place, do not allow what society says to be correct to change your focus of your loved one – for society is not you and you are not here to make the perfect one, just to accept the one who is perfect for you.
The heart is a strong emotion, for it does not know distance nor prejudice. Sometimes you will meet others who you are attracted to, but ideally do not bring you the right circumstances. We add fear to the relationship and worry of its future existence and then you wonder why you have put yourself in this situation.
There are even times that you wish you could go back and not have ever met, but what would that accomplish? For even if you create a relationship with a future that brings you pain, you will grow and learn from the experiences you have come upon. No one thinks they want pain, but the act of hurting is a great teacher.
We want you to know that every meeting, be it an ongoing relationship or just a passing between two souls, is not by chance. Everyone who comes into your existence, came there with your permission (yes even those who have hurt you).
If you are in a relationship that you do not understand, accept it for what it is. If it feels good, if it brings you joy in the moment, if you look forward to more time together… then do it. For your fear of the future is only what you create it to be.
Be free, allow that which brings you joy, experience that which makes you happy and do not live life in fear of what the future brings, for it is in the present that life is enjoyed, it is in the present that life can be experienced and it is in the present that life has the power of creation.