So you want to heal but you do not want to forgive, and we say this is not possible for it is you who are holding onto the pain by not letting go and forgiving what is not wanted.
To some this does not make sense for why should YOU be the one to forgive, when it is THEM who hurt you? You have not come to understand that no one, no matter how wrong they were, can hurt you unless you allow them to. This being said, it is you that has to not allow this pain to continue or not to. The only way to do this is by forgiving that who has hurt you.
We would like to be clear that in forgiving, you are not accepting that which hurt you, you are letting go of the pain and separating your emotions from the situation. We are funny how we get mad that we have been hurt without knowing that in the ‘getting mad’ we are fueling the pain. Anger is Pain, Resentment is Pain, Revenge is Pain, Helplessness is Pain, for these are all Fear Based Emotions.