We see you, we hear you, we know you have a big heart and want to use that which you have learned to help others. We also know that you cannot help someone who will not help themselves.
But you love them so, or you feel sorry for them, or you are trying to cure the wounded inner child you see in this adult in front of you. If you can just get through to them, say the right thing to catch their attention so you can HELP them!
You see, your love for people keep you from seeing them healed. This keeps you in the helping mode, giving up of thyself to bring another person up. This is all so admirable and foolish at the same time, for they cannot hear you, for they are focusing on their issues as someone else’s doing. And how can you fix something that is out of your control?
If you truly want to help someone, then see them as healed and Walk Away. Sounds so cold, we know but this is their only chance. Because we cannot convince someone to change when they are not in a place of change. Sometimes the others have to bring their life to such pain before they are willing to try something new. So when you are trying to take away another’s pain, you are just accepting their pain as your own. Think about how frustrating it is when they don’t listen to you, when they keep doing that which hurts themselves even though you were so clear of the solution.
If you see them as healed, if you are confident they will eventually see the light, then you give them a chance to see themselves the same way. When you focus on their pain and problems, all they see is the same.
Our greatest advice to you dear one is to teach by example, and be open to seeing your loved one as someone who has to follow their own timing, someone who may need to work through some issues before they figure this one out, but someone who does find happiness.
We feel you dear one, and know your confusion about life. Seems whichever direction you go ends in defeat. You are a people pleaser, always have been you know. And though your kindness does come back in your direction (really it does), your happiness is being attacked. And what is there in life other than happiness? Everything everyone wants, everything everyone does, is all for happiness. Even when we are mean to each other, we think, ‘Well, this will make me happy’. The problem is, in general people are lousy at choosing the direction to become happy. And you, dear one are within that general population.
This being said, we want you to know that you make yourself sad in order to receive the will to step outside your own comfort zone to finally say, ‘I Matter! I have a say-so in my life/happiness! I cannot please everyone, but I can please myself!’ We know you hear us, but you block us when you follow up with, ‘But this will hurt their feelings, so I will just put myself second to them.’
It is time dear one to take a good look at yourself, because no matter which side you choose, they all hurt at some level. For you have not figured out how to love thyself, so your messages sent to others are confusing. If you truly want to help other’s happiness, make yourself happy for any other direction is just a lie to yourself and to them.
Be open to admitting your feelings to those who are hurting, for that opens the door for the others to realize you are struggling also. In telling them your pain you are able to justify to them (and to yourself) your actions to accept your own happiness… even if this hurts your loved ones. You see your struggle is related to their struggle, for if they are depending on you to find their own happiness; they are traveling down the wrong road.
We say there are simple steps to heal thyself, and as a reminder the number one step is to believe. When you are treating a symptom, you believe the symptom is bad; therefore you are treating it from a negative standpoint. We say, nothing good comes from multiplying the energy of that which is believed to be bad. Instead, we say see the disease as that which is an effect of wanting change. And it has come to fruition to help you in your path of changing.
We fear pain, we fear suffering, we fear the unknown, and ultimately we fear death. These fears will never show you the path to healing. For healing is the belief of health, so why do we choose the path that takes us away from that which we want to achieve?
This being said, when you are ready to heal first believe in its possibility, which means you can see yourself as healed. It is then necessary to be open to the next step, for belief without actions is also fear. We ask you to understand, the next step may not be that which most believe is the most effective action… and this is why your belief, or faith must be solid in order to not bow down to what others fears guide you to do.
Relationships are funny in a way that we think we are in them, when sometimes we are not. We think this person by our side will fulfill our needs, and we move forward believing we are taken care of, when we are really just accepting that which is. We want more and accept less, for we think this is all we deserve from another. We try harder to fill in the voids, so that it is not as painful that we are not getting what we want.
We want you to stop and feel your situation, ask yourself if this partner is giving you that which you desire, for in most cases it is not. This is not a bad thing, for if you were not receiving all that you wanted, you would move on. In other words, you must be receiving enough of that which is desired to stay where you are. In some cases, it is from the fear of being alone, in others it may be the fear of not succeeding financially… there are so many reasons why we stay where we are not always happy.
We ask you dear one, to focus not on that which brings you lack or sadness in your relationship and to focus on that which you enjoy or that which makes you feel accepted. For even if it is not much, it is enough to keep you together. And when you focus on that which is good, it attracts more of the same. When you can bring yourself to feel good about where you are (even when the bad outweighs the good), then it will be clear what feels good and if it is enough.
You see, we are wired to be happy, that is why it feels so bad to be sad. We are here to experience happiness and so many forget this and accept what is, in order to do that which is expected of them or because they do not know what else to do. FOCUS, dear ones on the good in your life (for it is always there), and you will start to remember what you are here for, and then desire more of that. It will become clear that there is nothing which is worth you giving up your happiness, and it will bring you to find a way to make it work, or to move on.
What is happiness? We all take it for granted, you know. Happiness is what fuels our soul, for we are all meant to be happy. We forget this, for we tend to focus on what is not, which makes us sad. The lesson here is so, so simple…. Focus on what brings you joy.
We think it is more important to be responsible than to be happy, we think it is more important to take care of others over ourselves to be happy, we think it is more important to work toward changing what life gives us to experience, in order to be happy and we say WHY?
Why do we give up that which we are here to do in order to do what we think is our obligation? Step back dear ones, for this does not make sense. If you give up your own happiness to do what you have been taught is the right thing in life, instead of following your gut feelings – how will you ever know what really works for you? If you give up your happiness to help others – what are you teaching them? If you give up your own happiness to try to force a different outcome – where is your lesson that helps you move forward in life? If you give up your happiness for any reason, lesson, responsibility, or for any other person…. Then you have given up your purpose in life, and will never find an outcome that benefits yourself or any other.
You see, you cannot let go of that which makes you happy in order to make another happy. And this is the only reason you one will ever do that which you think or have been taught is the ‘right’ thing to do.
You see dear one, we are blind if we believe in giving up of the self to assist another, for we all have to experience for ourselves that which we want to change in our lives. Others cannot change for us, so if you desire to help another – Teach Them By Allowing Them To Experience How You Have Learned What Life Can Be Like To Love Yourself.